Thoughts of March 23, 2021 11:55PM


The creating process is as important for me as the final result..it always has a special meaning to it .. the way I choose the colors for that day, the way I hold my palette knife or brush.. watching my hand paint or sculpt, or totally get lost focusing on the subject, feelings or thoughts while I am looking through my camera and taking pictures, then edit them.. those moments are so important to me.. they are created the person who I am now and bringing me closer to my destination I supposed to be.. 

It’s a very interesting process, almost like reversal but straight forward in the same time.. it’s a self creation or self exploration, but it’s very hard for me to explain, because English is not my first language and I am not good at words, that’s why I create.. 

..but the way I feel, the thoughts or experiences I got and endured throughout my life; I express those things, but in the same time they are creating a much deeper thoughts and feelings in myself, what changes my next thoughts, feelings..then changes and creates my future.. 

I believe all the artwork I create, all the photographs I take then edit.. they are refining my soul.. every single thing I create is a step forward to bring me closer to be a better human being, because it comes from my soul; the soul what God gave me at the time I was born; when I took my first breath in this planet and I hope this strong drive inside my soul to create as much I can to express myself will stay with me until my last breath..

March 23, 2021 11:55PM

PS: I am alone with my thoughts almost 4 weeks now..  I am withdrawing myself of Social media since February 25, 2021, because I am trying to make myself feel better, trying to heal my soul, what got hurt almost 1 year ago by someone I trusted and loved.. I know I was wrong to believe he love me and care about me and my feelings.. I was wrong to believe that and I still feel miserable and very..very sad, it still hurts me like hell, it still hurts my heart like it all happened yesterday.. and sadly I can't do nothing about it.. only to keep on painting and creating art..